Phenomenal Thinking

A series of extraordinary incidents

2009-05-15T11:33:00.006+05:30

[caution: long post]

I witnessed a very unfortunate incident a few months back. Actually I witnessed the eerieness for about 7 months- throughout which I was aware I was not in the best of situations.

So let us begin at the very beginning. I came to work in Bangalore and as any other girl, my first concern was a safe place to stay near my office area which happened to be on M.G Road. So I went PG (s)hopping. They come in ALL sizes I tell you- small, medium, large, cheaply priced, moderately priced, exorbitantly priced, in a super homely locality, to a barely decent locality to plain shady localities. Now, the funniest part is, the three never co-incide to give a combination you'd like (unlike your Permutation and Combination answers which suggest one resullt would have teh ideal situation- that ideal I never came across!). So after almost 6 days of depressing search, I got something close to what I liked and here I must add, my mother loved it. With all the shady Landlord/Landladies that she had come across in the 6 days, she was floored by this lady's polite behaviour and how she treats the PG girls just like her daughter. She went on to elaborate how she has a daughter and knows what are the concerns of having a dauther because of the safety reasons. She had the best deal- nice room, with food (All three meals !! woo hoo!!), laundry charges included and I just had to share it with another girl.

As you must have realised by now my point, so the meals were there and three only if you hankered/begged/shouted at them. If you didn't ask for your food, you didn't get it. The laundry wouldn't be done for days if not weeks if one didn't go and poke them (literally). The room mate peed on my bed because she hated me. Just because she was in the room before me, it was apparently owned by her. The landlady did nothing to solve the isue. She would remember me only on the first day of the month when she wanted rent. When any guests came I was not allowed to step out of my room. I got a lock and a point to charge my phone after three months of hankering. The rest of it is slowly fading away from my memory. Then there was cat hair in the food- the servants forcibly trying to feed me beef and goat hoofs and narrating tales of how the landlady is a tyrant and doesn't pay for her cerebral palsey hit child. I felt bad for the little girl and decided to fund her weekly physio-therapy once a month which was Rs. 250/-. This I also realised would stop the servants from being so non-chalant or disgusted when doing the laundry or serving me food. I thought ok, so I help a child and I also get my work done. But well, charity I learnt you shoulld do unconditionally- do not expect any work done for the money/things you give away in charity. OK, my mistake. So I did most of the things myself- washed my clothes, made food for myself when they forgot about my hunger (which was most of the days). This was in addition to to their demands of ruling the house when the Landlady wasn't around. The Landlady as I pointed out just came to claim her monetary share. She had a weird fiasco going with the peeing-roommate of mine and came to discuss "things" with her in our room at 2am in the morning! The roommate was allowed to bring "male friends" inside the house anytime she felt but no other PG girls could even bring their fathers / brothers inside. Appraently all men are prohibitted. But the roommate definitely got some huge benefits form her. Her rent was lesser, she could leave / enter the PG anytime. It took some time for me to realise the Landlady benefitted monetarily form the room-mate's actions. So why didn't I move out? Well, my mother felt the best PG she herself saw and approved had turned out like this, then all others would be worse if not equally bad, so it made no sense for me to move. With all my logics, she just increasingly felt her younger daughter was just getting more away from her, and her motherly control. She felt I was being "too independent" when I found out another moderate place close-by to my office. She went into the motherly emotional blackmail so much so that I had to yeild and give up thinking about moving out.

Last December she came to visit me and she realised what I was going through. Well such things you have to be in the middle of, to realise exactly how bad it is. She approved to my moving out. She decided that once the servant shouted at her the moment I asked food for my mother and I lost my cool. Anyway drama happened, Landlady pretended nothing was wrong and happily asked money for my mother's stay. On one of the last days of my mother's stay, the servant's husband threatened to throw me out physically form the PG because my friend (who is a girl, by the way) had come to visit me. My mother said enough I cannot let you stay here any more. I packed my bags in two hours and left. When I later went to pick up my deposit money from the Landlady a week after, she refused to give it, shouted, yelled, shrieked, but my friend who went along with me was not budging without the payment. The servants also joined in the hurling of abuses because I was asking back for my money. When they saw I had a local language speaking girl with me, they started abusing in the local language. When my friend wouldn't budge still (I was already weak-kneed by then with all the abuses and shouting), the servants asked me and my friend to lie naked with the servant man and they would take pictures and only after this would I get my money back. I was not staying there for another minute. I was honestly scared. After we left, we decided to go to the police station to file an FIR because my friend and I had been threatened to be raped. We tried lodging a complaint and the Ashok Nagar Police Station (right beside Mayo Hall) but the Officer in Charge refused to lodge my complaint on the ground that since it was a Women's P.G, he would need a woman officer so he couldn't lodge the complaint as it was 10.00pm. He very unassuringly told me to get back the next morning and would take my complaint. I felt a loss. Loss that I was taking all this humiliation and I could feel the Police Officer had spoken to the Landlady before I reached there. I didn't go the next day. I didn't feel I would be given justice. Anyway after my parents heard this they forbade me from going to the Police because my Landlady was a nasty lady clearly and they didn't want me to get in any sort of connection with people who were so ugly. My friend who accompanied me was definitely upset that we being lawyers and moreso human beings how could we take it lying down. We should have protested.

I agree, I should have protested. But I was scared for my life and more than that I was scared when that man-servant he said he would rape me. I was honestly scared. Maybe, I should have gone there the next day, lodged a complaint but I didn't because the Police in our country scares me more than it instills any faith of what-so-ever kind in me. O.K., if may be I was in my home town I would have gone ahead and done something, taken a guy with me (yes, I feel more secure that way and no, whatever they teach you in sociology is not correct- women are helpless- atleast women like me are. We get scared at the thought that we would be raped- yes that IS a scary thought for me) and then possibly at least made an attempt to ruin the reputation of her PG. But I didn't do that- I took it lying down, because I didn't want to be the victim who is "discussed" everywhere because she was raped. The idea scared me- that was the most scary thought and the scariest thing that has happened to me. To change that scary moment maybe I am willing to let ALL my future room mates pee on my bed sheet. Here I must add, while I had last visited my old PG to get my money, the ex-roommate was also fighting and mocking my friend and me. I still wonder what her connection is with those shady men and how the Landlady fits in the whole equation....

So, as much as I disappointed my friend with "not taking action" while she was willing to do anything to stand by me, she doesn't possibly realise to the extent women like me are controlled by thier idea of chastity and fear about the same being robbed off them. Women like me don't wear short skirts late at night even though we love to feel the breeze, because we are too scared we might attract the wolvish "outside men" to be tempted to take away our chastity. Women like me are too scared to show off thier bodies even though that makes them feel good. We cover ourselves up, don't wear "loud" make up, we only go out with our fathers or brothers or our bethroted. Maybe we don't always do these things but we do it when we are scared- scared of losing our chastity. Yes, my dear Friend that is why that night I was delirious and crying. Someone had threatened me that they would take away my most prized possession and unlike my bottle of honey (which my maid drinks from), I cannot replace it. I felt alone and very scared. Another girl who was my age and also had been threatened the same way, I didn't think was enough to protect me from the harm those goons could cause me. Therefore I didn't do anything about it.

A week later I heard form a friend (who continued to live in that PG) that the landlady and the man-servant had followed us to the Police Station and got assured by the Officer in Charge that he wouldn't take down my case even if I went the next morning. My Friend was tremendously upset with me over this incient, she still is. Maybe I am writing this for her, maybe I want more people to read this and never go to that PG again which at first looks like a safe haven for your daughter but then you are wiser after your daughter stays there. I could link the website where she promptly advertises about the flexibility and good condition of her PG but somewhere I think I am still scared. What harm can she possibly do? Do I think she will sit and read this blog and trace me down? Well maybe she won't but then I am restrained form doing so for reasons I cannot articulate. There is a fear they have instilled in me which prohibits me from "taking any step" to actively take things up against them. "What purpose will it serve?", I say. Nothing will bring back the humiliation of that day when a man-servant in a all girls' PG dared to tell me he would rape me with the Landlady standing right there and she dares to talk about how secure her house is for girls! Well why shouldn't she? She gets away with it, she still puts her advertisement in the ever popular "Free AD Mag" on the Paying Guest Accomodation section and advertises it as "Girl's Abode, - Rooms available on sharing-single basis, with or without food." yes this happens right at the heart of Richmond Road, right beside Richmond Hotel (very close to the Coffee Cafe Day). She calls it a Dwelling for Kanyas.

(I am so tempted to link her add here. I know no one reads, but that small chance of someone reading it......)

So why am I writing all these things after so many months? Whenever I talk about it, my family feels "Thank God you are out of there now," my Friend feels I was being a wuss when I didn't stand up for the wrong that was done to me and her also, and that I have no right to complain. It is not nice to hear I am a wuss and lily-livered from anyone moreso form a friend. I know why I didn't go back there- I have my reasons, not everyone will understand, just like my mother didn't understand what hell I was gooing through till and when she was there. Anyway, the reason why I am writing this is because how we get swayed away by our own standards of good and bad. I thought it was unsafe for me to take a stand and fight. I don't know what would I be fighting- the police refused to take the complaint, my Friend says she would take it up with the media and get negative publicity for the landlady and her aides. Would that help me? I don't know, I think it would bring negative pulicity to me also and that was "bad" for me in my books. I didn't want to be exposed to their wrath any more. I had had enough.

But I am in touch with the friend who stayed on in the PG. She tells me all kind sof weird tales about the place. How the purported man-servant once threw money like one would at a person in a dance bar or some such thing because she was apparently "asking for it" by wearing "immodest clothes". That girl who was on the receiving end of the money throwing continues to stay there I hear. They raise their voice against the landlady for hot water/food. The Landlady remains interested only in the money nothing else. The last I heard from the friend satying there was that, the landlady was going to her "NRI sons" in America for 6-9 months and the servants plan to "teach the girls a lesson" (those exact words) for wearing improper clothes and for demanding food and space to live. The point is, how can a PG meant for the "safety and security" of girls say such unabashed things which is against the basic decorum of human behaviour? Isn't the onus more on them? Possibly not, because my friend continuing in that place claims, she stays there because she has no choice and as long as she is nice to them, they don't bother her (yes indeed). Well when she sat and heard from the landlady sermons about that she should not be friends with me any more because I am not a good girl, I believe she had a choice (and I hope it did bother her).

Anyway I've had many discussions with my friends (both the one continuing to stay there and the one who went with me back there to get back my moeny and stand by me) regarding this. But none of us agree on what was the exact and absolutely correct thing to do in the situation I was in. All three of us have different opinions. The fact is, I went through this, and only I know how much relieved I am to be out of there. I have got threats form them after that also, asking me to not go to the police or media else they'd "teach me a lesson" (they threaten to do that a lot I must add!). Well possibly they are also scared that they did this because they were scared I might go to the media as my Friend had threatened that night I would. But what they don't realise that we are all so caught up in our own sense of good and bad, wrong and right that at least I will never be objective enough to say what was right in the situation I was then.

...few of the rest of the 25

2009-05-06T15:46:00.004+05:30

So I was at number 10....

11. When anyone says, "What ideas do you have for a gift for Blip (say Blip is a colleague, and say it's Blip's was born on that day/getting the license to screw someone over and over again day/ has been sacked but pretending to be quitting day/is getting nearer to years not lived than lived day)?" what the person actually means, "We have decided on the gift and the showiness of the same, you better give that grand out of your pocket so that our gift doesn't look less showey!!"

12. Some one says, "Blip is a very colourful character! (and smiles a kind which you cannot categorize) they imply "Wait till you get to work with Blip, he/she will suck teh joy out of your life! I had my time gruelling with blood and sweat, now you see what awaits you."

13. Office boy asks you, "Mam, do you want tea?" he means "You better not, I have just finished washing all the cups.

14. Some one asks you, "What are you working on?" they mean, "Here!! I have a lamb to be slaughtered, so what if I slept over my deadlines!!"

15. Some one says, "Did you know Blip is getting married? Wow..." (and the mush continues..) they mean "How long will I be the only 30+ left around, not married and not even involved!"

16. "I understand what you are saying...." means "I don't give a crap about what you are saying, do it this way or do it this way, either way my way is the right one!"

17. "Did you hear Blip has been made partner of the firm? Isn't that super!" means when the hell will all these people stop beating me all the fucking time?"

18. When the boss says, "I don't like people reading news paper in the office.", he/she really means, "Enough of Orkut and Facebook! Come on, aren'tyou people too old for that!" (this might just be typical to my boss may bot be applicable to all work places.)

19. "Hey! You are wearing a pink shirt!" means "Isn't your outfit inappropriate for office?"

20. "Did you see Blip's new hair style?" means "Did you see how dorky Blip looks now?"

21. Go back to points 1 to 20

22. See 21.

23. See 22.

24. See 23.

25. See 24 and you have the ways to decipher work-place lingo!

25 Phenomenal Things You...

2009-05-01T17:20:00.005+05:30

....learn about people at work:

1. When one asks "have you lost weight?" they actually mean- Bitch how could you look leaner than you already are, here I am bursting in my size "M" shirt because I refuse to be categorized as a "L" (even though no one upturns the collar to check the tag).

2. When they ask the receptionist "When is Boss in town, I really needed to talk to him/her.." they actually mean- I hope he/she isn't back today, then I can squeeze in the baby shower at 5.30pm.

3. Some one says "How come you are doing blah blah?" (with genuine curiosity) they mean "How the fuck didn't I think of it/ How come no one told you off till now for doing blah blah!"

4. They say, "I know with all your problems....." they mean- "Come on! Don't give me that reason again!"

5. When they say, "Wow, you have such an exciting life, all adventures and all that!", they mean "You freak, how come you are at a corporate house and still manage to have a life? Wait till I bring this up for the next polite conversation with Boss! *evil grin*"

6. "I am a voracious reader" means "I read Mid-day, Cosmo and the like".

7. "Brad Pitt is delicious looking." means "Why the fuck haven't I got laid till date despite the fact that I am (way beyond) twenty-eight?" (admission of years lived beyond these years is taboo you must note).

8. "So what did you do for the weekend?" actually means "Oh my GOD-if there is another second of akward silence in this lunchroom I will jump out of this window, for the Mother of God say something!"

9. "Hey you should really have come for that party/function" implies "Bitch how did you get away with not coming, I never have as brilliant excuses as you do! *makes mental note to maintain diary of excuses*"

10. "Really, is it that good?" means "I don't know what you are talking about, I can see your lips moving though!" *yawns loudly in the mind while eyes sparkle*

rest to follow..

Pr(i)e(t)ty Zinta!

2009-04-29T18:18:00.012+05:30

You should look at her blog to believe that in fact the rescession has hit India finally! She is unable to hire a writer to post in her blogs and has to think and type it out herself- what else will explain such shoddy English usage, grammatical error and non-coherence of thought process and last but not the least absence of reason or issue for the post. The post I managed to read is called "Mumbai Mirror Journalist Should Be Suspended!"- yes, the heading IS indeed like that and she DOES have an exclamation mark in the title.

So the summary of the grammatical bonfire is that Ms.Prom Queen is upset over the gossip a fellow Journalist reported (sic) about her affair with some person I fail to recall and its too painful to retrieve from her three page rant. The problem seems to be, Ms. Prom Queen defends that she also cheered for Shah Rukh Khan along with all her friends so why are they linking her up with this particular Celebrity (lets call him Mr. Prom King). So her point being (I really hope she indeed have a point) I was jumping (read cheering) at any moron that turned up at the Lakme Fashion Week why are you only linking me with Mr. Prom King, why don't you link me to the real King. *guffaws* Ahem- back to the post, she is also Really, really, really mad, if you must know, this journalist messaged her up at 12 in the night and asked her a question about her "link up" and she called him back and he didn't pick phone (well Priety, maybe he was pooping- don't you know sometimes the pressure comes in the middle of the night right after your mid-night ice-cream snack; you sang that really real to life issues handling film called Salaam Namaste where you crave for ice-cream in the middle of the night?); So the lournalist didn't take her call and reported that she was seeing this Mr. Prom King. She brings up really relevant issues of responsible journalim only forgeting to mention it, she lingers around how she is super mad and how she has led a clean life and told the media everything that she was doing. She repeatedly repeats and I repeat at teh cost of repitition that she has been in the industry for 10 years and no one knows how long this Journalist has been around and she is more credible and the Journo is not. She then repeats the same thing again and again about the 10 years in the industry point so much for teh reader to re-think the fact whether her age is finally catching up with her or whetehr she wants to prove a point with all the admission of years lived in her life- may be she wants us to remember you can still be in your twenties even after entering the industry in twenties and stay taht way even after 10 years, or maybe she can count only till 10 or maybe she had a bad dessert for her meal- one would never know.

Also the fact that she has ten thousand friends and each of those friends have 10,000 friends each so she could be posing with any one of those 10000^10000 friends- her point being what? She has so many friends or she can ccount?

Then she comes back to the point that she is credible and she is has been in the industry for 10 years (did I say that already? ;-) ) Then there is a huge hue and cry in awful English about her speculated romance/ break-up with Ness Wadia and by this time she is so upset over all the rambling she has done that she forgets the point and says that she is credible and the Journo is not. It's essential to note how she is furious about "all these journalists" and points that Mumbai Mirror should have verified with her before publishing that article. She doesn't really pick up an issue with the MM per se, her venom (as much as she could possibly comprehensively muster through the typing, which I note is a difficult job) is directed straight at the Journalist and she goes back through these points again and again and again in as many ways as she can with the limited power of expression at her disposal.

The highlight of the blog although are the comments- there are comments which are not remotely related to the issue (or lack of it) at hand and state the usual things like "I am only 8 years old but I am your great fan, I am from New Zealand and tell me when you come next I will meet you" to the humdrum "I loves the way you writes Priety Zinta. you are the besssst. People are jealous so gossipping" and also there are people who apologize to her for the misery caused to her pretty life because of the said Journalist but that she should keep in mind that all of them are not bad and that the author of the comment is also studying journalism and will take care such things never happen and that he/she will always verify thier facts before posting! (I almost died there!) Till I came across this comment which stated as follows in gist "when 100 ppl got awarded padmasheree the media reported only Aishawarya Rai and Akshay Kumar as being awarded the prestigious prize, the stated celebrities didn't have a problem. They didn't shout why are you not mentioning the other 98 achievers, I am assumin you (Priety Zinta) also wouldn't have protested had you been in their situation and got such undue media attention so why are you crying sore when they talk abt ur link-up/break-up. Deal with it. What goes around, comes around." One guy suggested the following and I quote:

"The filth beamed by TV news channels is primarily manufactured in BOLLYWOOD. Be it provocative dance sequences, cheap languages, multiple relationships and now even cheerleaders of IPL. You are part of the same sleazy system.
THOSE WHO ARE UGLY LOOKING TAKE UP JOURNALISM and others like you, Kareena, Aishwarya or others become role model. The end product for masses in this country is PURE FILTH and morally bankruptsocieties. Media is irresponsible but people like you also use it your advantage and jump in front of camera at the first available opportunity.
The damage done by Bombay mirror is NOTHING when compared to DAMAGE DONE TO morallity of Indians BY PEOPLE IN YOUR FRATERNITY."

One guy actually asked her to hire someone to write her posts because he was jarred by her language and that he found it difficult to make it through the end of her post reflecting my sentiments.

I am thinkning of applying for the post- what say eeh?

Big B Review

2009-04-29T17:41:00.003+05:30

No one reads my blog. Let me give you the count of people who read it- My senior who is besotted with me (in an asexual manner) [Senior] friend who I am almost married to [Shakira] but then again that is another post, [Anubhab] (who has given up posting in his blog because I caused so much agony through my key board- no pun intended seriously!) He has only been reduced to leaving the sole comments on my blog; a few scholarly people who I used to know as a kid and their partners, (that too is for vested interest so that I read their’s. I lost my bachelor readers since I gave up posting on dating!

Anyway so what does a failed blogger do? Just what a failed Actor does- starts critiquing others’ acting. So shall I- “review” celebrity blogs! Thanks to Shakira for the idea!

So to begin with Mr. Bachchan’s blog.

He started by vomiting about which team won which match in IPL and in what fashion- last hope to make people at least read about it through the glorious man- himself! I wonder how much Delhi Daredevils, Mumbai Indians and the Rajasthan Royals had to pay him for “endorsing” about their teams in BigB@Bigadda- has anyone else noticed the Reid and Taylor add on the left hand corner of his picture on the purported Blog? I hope Mr. Harivansh Rai Bachchan wasn’t charged to be quoted on the blog in the description. Ok going on to more pressing issues addressed on his blog- he states how he has missed home food when he was not in “comfortable environment” i.e., home. Guess why the food that Mrs. Bachchan (Senior) gives him is the “best food in the world”? Well it’s a very original and never stated reason, you will marvel at it- wait for it, well it’s the fact that he had not had it in a long while!!! Now how ingenious is that? Tell me? Did you ever think that home food would taste yummy because you haven’t had it in a long while? I wonder how he comes up with life moving statements man! My whole perspective on home food has changed now! *tears rolling down my cheek due to realization, joy and sorrow mixed at the same time*. Then, he also talks about his Apple MacBook Pro (I can feel the model get costlier by this statement- poor [Anubhab], will have to settle his dreams on a new brand of laptop now). The importance of the model in Mr. Bachchan's life is reflected here when he points out how the laptop changed his life in the following statement, [Link]
“GOODNESS !! Its the 29th of April in the morning and the time on right hand corner of the MacBookPro says Wed 1:22 PM.”

This is followed by how if not for the Apple MacBook Pro he would have been established a “cerebral mess” which is of course left to the comprehensive discretion of the reader. (on this point he rambles a bit to prove his point on the cerebral mess argument) This I will suggest with a skill of a niche reviewer (sic) that is OK because the “mass” is not targeted by this model in any case or is it?

From here we move straight to the part were he laments about his misfortune because he is given special attention by the airport staff and “forced to break queues” and how his Lucknowi-roots just hold him back to do so. He does mention his embarrassment at being given special attention- so why doesn’t he hold his ground and say “No”? Maybe he should be given a high-school lecture on “How to say NO”. How is that for a perspective. He has the time to sit and lament about it on the internet, why doesn’t he just save that time (his and others’ in the queue) by not breaking the rule. Apparently he just saves time because “much to his dismay” someone or the other before him recognizes him and “volunteers” him forward- and much to his embarrassment it seems! It must be so embarrassing no, to be besotted with so much adulation isn’t it- but I have a solution, why doesn’t he just follow the rule, I’m sure he doesn’t get embarrassed to “quote his price” to the people hiring him! Anyway, he doesn’t forget to names drop about how he was even recognized in “Heathrow airport in London”. Wow no?? I mean come on he was even spotted and recognized in Heathrow airport- it’s like Me stating you know someone recognized me as a brown skinned- even though he was colour blind- achievement indeed. Then Mr. Bachchan also (not so) subtly points out the morons who don’t recognize him and express disgust at the (un)due favour granted to him at airport terminals and states that he whisks past them so that he doesn’t have to catch the “occasional” disgust at his aura surrounded presence. How different am I from him I wonder, when I stealthily move myself up the line and whisk past quickly so that no one notices or expresses disgust- I guess I have a great person in the making in me! :D He also mentions how the mobile photography disturbs him right when he is working on his shoes or getting his dismantled objects back from the scanner- my dear Mr. Bachchan, ask women about mobile photography and the irritation about the same, let’s see- whether a lecherous bastard taking the pictures of my leg is more disturbing or when I am trying to tie my hair and the bastard with the hunkie junkie fat phone and pot belly (both equally ordained with jewellery) g(r)azes at my tee shirt and makes me feel violated- I think definitely Mr. Bachchan’s case is more serious. He adds as a foot note almost that he did in fact work for such attention but guises it in a manner only in time to make my mobile photography objections sound much trivial than his violation of privacy.

Last but not the least he sums up saying his wife and kids (sic) are calling him for lunch and if he delays going there for any more seconds he will not get any food. I completely understand, it’s just like the daily wage labourer who is denied his wage if he is ill and doesn’t manage to reach his work place on time right? How similar a life Mr. Bachcan leads- like any ordinary man isn’t it!

~ Phenomenally Yours.

Up (to) date- Phenomenal? I'd say Indeed!!.

2008-12-30T17:15:00.004+05:30

So, there was the terror attacks, many people still call it the "Mumbai Blasts".. I think blast is a "terrorizing" word enough.

Anyway, amongst irrelevant stuff, this blog was linked to the NUJS blog, which is quite happy and a sad ocassion. Happy because, atleast the probability of one or two people reading it might increase, cause no one reads this black page; sometimes even I forget I have a free cyber area to vomit. Sad because, it's a sense of deja vu because I get reminded of my farewell where, that supremely thin immediate junior while pulling out all her body hair replied to me in a rather rude way that she didn't know when/where she (a fourth year) was intending to take me (a fifth year she was supposedly organizing the farewell for) . That was the first time i realised, it was not a farewell for me, it wasn't a farewell for ANYONE, it was a social gathering to celebrate "new" acquintances with people who could come in handy with anything beginning with a facebook back-scratching comment to a good word while potential recruiters reviewed your CV. Yes, they DID give me a very fancy "title" and all, but that was that: juniors came up to me with only one request, "Can you please blind me with flash while I show my teeth and whatever that catches comments when I am posing with any tom, dick, harry or a senior for that matter" (very sweetly 'requested' indeed I must add).

Yes, maybe I was a spoil sport but for a change I didn't tap my foot and jump around in supposedly MY FAREWELL- I must add I LOVE doing that. It was claustrophobic, despite the fact that the party was held in an open area with lots of booze which I assume is a criteria for "openness" in many parties/cases. All i remember from that day is, being behind the cameras of blinding flashes while people bared their pearls and other conpicuous parts and behaviour. I saw a short guy (I won't call him a man for what I saw) grope and mouth a girl, (a little taller than him) in full public view, yes tongue and all, boob-asss grabbing included. I saw young girls running to the washrooms to donne their make-up and bare a lil' bit more (if that was possible) and run back to pose with a senior or who ever they could pose (includes other things) with. Oh yes, I had seen most of it in the farewell parties I had attened prior to this but this was tops maybe because I was SUPPOSED to have fun but I didn't. Maybe I was old. I saw classmates vommitting and still posing for pictures. What was all this for? For Facebook or Orkut I wondered. How many of these pictures would be printed and how many of them would I treasure, or for that matter how many of these pictures would anyone keep company till they died. I couldn't imagne many. I felt out of place. Not for the first time, but for the first time I realised it and didn't try to do anything about it.

So it is good in a way I don't have my living name here on this black page otherwise I would have scorned myself for being here. This is not me. I am human, this is a black page. In a way I was happy no one knew I existed but still that lone chance of someone reading all this was nice. But I do not want to be identified among people who have different friends every semester. I did too, mine lasted years I couldn't achieve the semester status. But I am happy that I am here, at least here, a thin girl waxing herself wearing a halter bra cannot insult me on MY FAREWELL, even if she does, I can "delete" the insult. :-D I already am gla dI was linked.

Patterns

2008-11-12T16:18:00.006+05:30

I see a trend:
The evolved bloggers, will inevitably write on Obama and Ganguly. Either they will support or put an effort to dislike the occurences. I have no issues with such posts, more often than not they are humourous reads, many times enlightening because not always do I read the nitti-gritties of a news item and follow it religiously unlike it is some "K" initialled fellow's opinion on another "K" obsessed lady's red bindi. I agree I am a lazy bum and do not read to enrich myself. But after a certain point of time you get bored, even with your family. So can I be blamed for thinking Greatbong is being cliched, or Crystal Blur should pull up her socks and write again? But these are not the people who irk me, they dissapoint me surely because I am an avid fan and my readings are essentially based on their brain children, they are denying me a right to entertainment and information when they are as repititive as any third blogger trying to grapple with their annonimity in this cyber space. They are geniuses, why can they not write one nice post everyday and make me laugh?

Why am I forced to read the second category (and that irks me):

Where people vomit about pesonal problems, break-ups and lonliness issues? Why am I subjected to such torture? Then how is a blog different from a social netwroking site? It's just like seeing on Facebook that "[S] [R]" has eneterd a relationship, "[A][S]" is single now with that irritaing red heart being broken? Its actually worse torture when you read the details of the fight one had than seeing the Orkut "[P][S]" has just updated his / her relationship status. It is like you go for a film festival expecting an exciting plot (if lucky enough nudity) and you end up watching KJo trash with SRK coming as close as to Kajol's wet lips and saree but then the Hindu naree wakes up and spoils all your hope of "entertainment". (Yes, I really expected Shah Rukh to kiss Madhuri in Dil toh Pagal Hai and I did think Kajol could be ravished by SRK in KKHH- I really did, don't blame me, I never had "Cable TV" till I reached class 10, I actually did a reserach with my friend because my bio teacher skipped Chapter 8 of Concise Biology for ICSE, 2000 Edition). So there, you can imagine my disappointment to find my last hope shattered of "enlightenment". Same is the case when I am subjected to these blogs who happily make thier daily diaries online. It's painful to state the least. I agree, you get to know what is happenning in someone's life but is that substitution for reality? Is it as good as touching one's shoulder and saying "It will be all right." I have no issues with people who write personal diaries, but I do have issues with people who disregard the cyber space and have no regard for what is burdened on the cyber world generally and do not have the time to talk to one another. It's painful to read "I went to Oly Pub last night and that was the time of my life". I thought FB and Orkut was enough for that.

I am not an elite blogger but I do follow quite a few blogs and I love quite a lot of them, but as usual, the quality just disappoints me as days go by and I am stuck in an office just reading blogs for updates on the world, the world is getting far to smaller than I would have liked it to be.

PT.

Blood- the measure of purity

2008-09-18T17:41:00.003+05:30

The spoils of the 18th century have to be just the first of its kind that I have witnessed with the ever withering white flag above my door… I don’t know what shit that means but the question that would arise is whether you are accustomed to the domestication of a full blooded Brahmin young boy becoming putty in the hands of not-so-full-blooded and caste also doesn’t matter in those cases, does it? OK I was talking bull crap, but that was just to make it catch your fancy or your attention. It might be a little bit of a generalization, but I was once told by two women of very “high blood” because they were from an affluent community of Brahmins, (hereinafter referred to as the Brahmins) and the affluence, they were convinced and set out to convince me, was because of their Brahminical blood. Apparently, you were born with music in your genes (in hindsight it was more of music in their Jeans the more I thought of the i-pods the two women are sure to carry (due to the fat paychecks because of brilliant education, which however you must note did nothing to whittle down their belief of being superior due to the caste they were “born with”. To be honest, they “type-cast(e)” themselves into the upper echlon of the society because Brahmins, they surmised (read summarized), are supposed to be superior because of the huge intricacies of their rituals and religious worships. According to their “discourse” it was impossible for them to fall in love with a man of “outside” community (they were much harsher, putting it as, a man of lower caste, falling in love was impossible because, you see, they apparently compared and saw, how much a man of their particular Brahminism faith has in him, things like being able to be semi-naked during a highly austere ceremony which elongates (no pun intended) for over some weeks ending in a super austere worship of yet another lord who only their Brahmin males are supposed to worship. Mind you even the high blooded women, with no apparent sexual desire for any male from outside, are also barred from worshipping. “Good for you babes!” I say. Just days later I saw one of the Brahmin babe romance a not-in-any-way Brahmin boy from very much outside “her community”. The guy didn’t even belong to her state forget caste. Anyway, she was previously rumored to have been quite friendly with a guy of a completely different religion. I don’t know, if her love and sexual desires are fixated on Brahmin boys, then why was she encroaching on lesser people like me, who were not born Brahmin like her- according to me, she was just exhausting options for the lower caste (read lower rung) girls.
But what amazes me is still the fact that these upper echelons of the society, (be it a Catholic Christian of a roommate I have that (emphasis on that and not who) proclaims her ex-Brahminism attributed to her because before conversion her family was Brahmin and thus upper caste thus putting her in the highest of all high echelons of the society but can she explain to me why so many upper caste clean / pure blood Brahmins keep becoming molten metal in hands of not-so-up caste women… why does the blood rebel? Have they considered that it could be because maybe the blood fled somewhere else?

PS: All innuendo intended moreso in the last line.

These are not a few of my favourite things

2008-07-04T10:29:00.003+05:30

......and they are as follows:

1. My room mate snoring while claiming every night "blah blah blah..I'm a phoor sleeper...blah blah blah".

2. Me bieng sleepless just like my dear BUNDY friend @ blogspot! ;-)

3. The drone- like men peering from the glass doors of the super highly priced Cafe Day near my "exquisitely located" Paying Guest.

4. I seem to be Paying, but I definitely am NOT a guest.

5. Landlady asking me to "stand up for myself". I thought moral science taught you that, not a person with whom you were in a financial relationship!

6. I cannot pick up Kannada in 5 days.

7. My pink high lighter is pink.

8. I am dreaming of dating a Data room with innumerable folders.

9. I had to throw away the free Cold coffee which was yummy.

10. Weight loss seems to be elusive to most while models exposing their wash board abs claim to have "imperfect bodies"!!

Dad and Neighbour-let! (My Dad- Part 3)

2008-07-03T19:38:00.006+05:30

"When I was young my father said, Son I have something to say..." then what he told me I will never forget until my dying day. Well not, exactly. For starters, I am not Son, and my Father hardly spke to me! Now I understand that the table of his right under the annoyingly bright tubelight, illuminating his perennially-cluttered garbage look alike "important documents" with all the pens and papers and paper weights (which were weighed down by the papers they were supposed to hold in place) was a much more enthusiastic place to me than my perennially bobbibg head (verified from sources). Moreso, the cobwebs were worth being marvelled at but the same was not applicable to me with my many fights to be resolved with my sibling about who got the better doll. Anyway, everything said and done, my father was not really happy about the fact that I took more interest in dolls rather than his bonsai collection at the age of 4 whole years. He meant, like common child! what is so amazing about a fluffy pink dog and a picture perfect doll with long tresses in comparison to short stunted plants with weird leaves (which were not even supposed to be leaves by the way!).

So when I got this super senior (four years' age difference when you are in KG seems like a whole generation) new kid as a neighbour. Guess what? This whiz kid apprently knew everything that was to be known and had done everything that had to be done and was interested in everything that went about on the planet earth! I felt like *phew*!! I mean anyway he looked so much older, plus he was not one of those lean kids but definitely a mean one! Did not give away any over-praises thrown his way! And when you are a kid, especially a bobbing head variant like me, then you don't learn the art of dislike so soon. So I took up the next best option, started following his moves et al. My father was in particular awe of this Jumbo Neighbour-let we had acquired! All the more reason for me to follow him around! One day I was even caught being imparted the knowledge aboutthe Food Web while being tagged along to the grocery shop with my Jumbo Neighbour Guru. Never did Dad object to the fact that this Neighbour-let was over weight. Dad, who insisted that one should be fit seemed to happily over look this facet of my weighty neighbour!

Dad loved anything Jumbo Weighty said! So did I! I even played games where I was supposed to be the servant of the weighty Neighbour! (as if I already was not!!) My Dad thought this boy was one good influence on me and my sister. We were always allowed to go "gain some knowledge" from this super whiz kid boy who always topped all exams and got the "highest marks" in all subjects. What I did not understand at that age when I could barely remember the spelling of my own name, how does one remember ones marks by heart along with comparing it with 50 other kids' and decide which was the highest. I was also wonder struck at how did Jumbo manage to impress my Dad with all his extra flesh and stubby fingers, mine were also stubby, just that they were smaller in size! I was amazed at ho he had heard about all the famou authors my Dad swore by. His eyes glistened at having met his reflection as a kid in Jumbo!! Honestly, slowly It was more of jealousy and less of admiration as I became familiar with that emotion. By head started losing its bobbiness along with my amazement at see Jumbo "perform" at everything!

Dad loved the fact that Jumbo did not find Barbie dolls interesting, but Dad didn't know that Jumbo loved Barbies more than football/cricekt because for teh simple reason that the former consumed less of his fat to convert into energy! But Jumbo never admitted to playing with dolls with me and my sister in front of anyone else. This is how we slowly started getting the mystic shades blown away from Jumbo's halo striken character!

Jumbo grew bigger...and we grew older! :-)

I trying for college and Jumbo was also trying to get into a Medical College. Meanwhile, Jumbo disppointed everyone in his school leaving examinations. Even my Dad didn't have anything to say. Jumbo's Mom was also quiet. Four years later Dad forgot Jumbo, I think for good! ;-)

Now when we sit down and chat, Dad always seems disgusted with Jumbo's weight, Jumbo's over confidence, over smartnes and all that comprised Jumbo in the first place! He even finds it silly that Jumbo couldn't get into Medicine even after three goes but was at it even the fourth time! What happened to lauding his persistence Dad! ;-) Remember the times you asked me to emulate him? Learn from him?Dad now believes Medicine is just over hyped. (Double Exclamation marks!!!!) :-D Tee hee hee!!

Anyway, last heard, Dad was amused at Jumbo sitting for yet another Medical qualifying examinations for another series of times. He in fact linked the whole thing to Jumbo's over smartness! PS: Dad tells me not to spend too much on Dad with my salary! But Dad is glad to buy me any phone I wish even after breaking all parts of my previous stinking expensive phone.

What do you think? Dad wants Jumbo to meet me sometime and learn a few lessons? ;-) Maybe on the food chain?

Feminists

2008-06-27T16:53:00.000+05:30

_______________________________________
Once upon a time there lived a feminist. At least she called herself so. Well she was a brilliant scholar and unlike one of those scholars who struggle to impart their acquired and attained knowledge, she was marvelous in her job as a person who taught….but ….there is a but which is not a nice thing about the description of a person. However if I didn’t have a but here, how would this be any relevant for a read or write for that matter?
On closer scrutiny, she was more the feminine than she was the feminist. I mean, I had the hugest of respects for her. So much so, when after slogging for a whole semester on a course which was supposed to make me aware about the “differently abled” all I did learn that the “women” are “doubly disabled” because they have the disability of being a woman first , and then the added burden of being disabled. So how did she enhance my knowledge? Well she made me realize no matter how much I worked on a paper, she would still favour the darker sex (For the uninitiated: if women are fairer sex then you should guess by now who she preferred). Well actually she didn’t make me realize as yet! After so much running around to psychiatrists, lawyers et al. for a paper on the Mental Disability of Women, she could only give me a 30 on a 50 which was one of the lowest she had marked on the research papers that semester, she was quite liberal in my end semester marks you know, she gave me a 29 out of 40 which was the second highest she had doled out for the end sems that time. So I ended up getting a meagre A whilst all my other class mates got E’s. Yet again, I being myself, not noting her acute apathy for women as students (unlike her love for women as subjects in general) I signed up for a course offered by her again! This time the discourse as she referred to it was vaguer and of lesser relevance to real life of a lawyer and so I lapped it up all the more- thinking that I had done what no one could have done in their final year and had signed up for the most non-corporate sounding subject ever! But lo and behold I was wrong, many people of the darker sex had also signed up for the same. These people were all famous for their corporate inclinations with dreams of becoming the partner of a partnership firm one day. So I was a tad bit surprised but nonetheless, I did not smell the rat as yet. All through the semester, these some-day-corp honcho’s of my class missed many classes for various reasons such as mooting, debating, editing, and other “–ing” things which can only be imagined in an ambitious person’s life. Me being the un-co-curricular person that I am, had all the time to attend all her classes- lapping up all she offered in the name of “discourse”. With enthralled face, eyes shining bright at the despair of indigenous tribes, and the evident pain of my teacher at the abject disregard for culture and pluralism at the executive and legislative level, I was marveled at her commitment towards the marginalized sections of the society. While the other classmates of mine who led a busy life and voiced their “centrist” opinion unabashedly when they did manage to turn up in class, I was the one reading up the assignments she was giving and getting embroiled in the lives of the marginalized and went for films dealing such issues and having long distance conversations on the same with equally anguished souls (as I didn’t find many takers for my empathy for indigenous people and women and disabled etc etc) who happened to be 1000’s of mile away. After the end of each class I would feel like I had come closer to disaster victims or gained a new perspective on Gandhi and the freedom movement and all that sort of things. After one such class, one of my real achiever friend who had happened to enroll in that discourse called me up to say, that I should not get on the wrong side of the “lecturer” since she didn’t take things nicely if argued with and the same could be reflected in my score sheet. I was stunned! I had merely asked something in the class and the teacher apparently (according to his “expert” judgment seemed miffed with me and also displeased with my behavior). I came back to my senses after initial shock to such an opinion thinking that maybe I had asked way too many questions. Well I was just clarifying doubts if you ask me to comment on it in retrospect or even otherwise. I mended my ways thinking maybe only smart achievers are allowed to speak in class. I shut up for good. Just listened (with increased attention levels I must add). Exams approached. I was very well prepared for the first time, as I had read ALL articles, books and materials she had provided along with well collated class notes (which I had taken religiously). In fact one of my class men, the particularly political one (with a 3 inch thick file as his on the run curriculum vitae) called me up the previous night to the paper asking me what the syllabi was and where I was studying from. I ranted off with much pride my references and cross reference books. He was pretty amused that I had read all that “nonsense”!! It was blasphemy for me to hear that!! Anyway I laughed out in my mind saying to myself “I shall have the last laugh tomorrow” at the examination hall. Anyway tutored him on the phone for half an hour and went to sleep after revising everything like a satisfied cat.
The next day outside the examination hall I was shocked to learn that (admitted by the course instructor herself) that she had a bias towards my political friend because he has a BEAUTIFUL handwriting which compelled her to favour his answer-script. My faith was not yet shaken. I felt maybe justice would be done in the end after results were declared. It was done- I had landed an A+ while the rest of my colleagues, who had barely read the reading material the night before the examination, had all landed with E which translates as “Excellent”. So maybe she is fair—she punished me for being so much I awe of her and believing that justice is done in life! She taught me you cannot practice what you preach.

My Dad- Part 2

2008-06-20T14:25:00.003+05:30

Ages literally since I rambled. I promised a "My Dad" series....

You know how Dad's are? Mine atleast tried everything! Including the forbidden stuff and all, he was a die hard once-in-a-while drinker till I attained the age to be curious about alcohol and the variations of the C2H5OH categories! But lo and behold, he had turned into a health hermit!!! He thought it not only unhealthy but also immoral to indulge in alcohol!! So much so, he refused to bring back the exquisite and expensive Italian wine he was offered (bottles mind you) while in Italy!! He will boomerang back the Bar menu to the waiter even if the poor unwitting soul tries to offer JUST the menu!! My sibling once very innocently asked if she could have a cocktail because she was plain curious about it and she is the dutiful politically correct off-spring, so obviously asked Dad, "Can I please have a glass of cocktail". My father got scandalized to the extent of being embarassed the whole while, while we ate in conspicous silence!! You had to be there..... Coming back to the point, he thinks all addictions are not for his daughters - to mention the least!

Again my father feels hot and cold with the temperature according to his personal thermometer which is always with a high mercury rise, body and mind wise! 20 degree celsius is good enuff for him to turn the AC to 16 degrees, if possible minus. Father o father, your daughter feeleth cold! She freezeth to death!...can you hear...? Of course you cannot, you are snoring with comfort! Alas! The horns honking in daylight can bring out a full length lecture on conservation of energy... was he never an amatuer driver? Dad remember forty years ago....when you didn't have a license...remember??

Once my Dad was raking up huge discussions on the usability and functionlaity of modern day gadgets and how they make life fast and before you can blink, particualarly in case of a microwave, the food is heated/cooked in a jiffy. He was arguing about a microwave with everyone till finally he got one for himself. So once when I was vvisiting him, he heated food for me in the microwave when he just had acquired one... when I complained that the food was very cold, he reasoned.... "I had to do it in a hurry. You cannot rush everything!!"... Ok! Point taken---both points actually! :-P

About computers--this one actually goes back to the nineteen nineties! He was as usual having drawing room and any room conversation on the functionality of Computers, and how they are better than human beings and how one day he would have a Man Friday in a Robot that would be one of the firsts of its kind.... He got a desktop in mid 90's and consequently a laptop in early 2000. He still calls me when I am in the shower with urget demand to 'rectify' the problems of desktop being cluttered, cannot locate a file.... downloading an e-mail attachment...

...to be continued.

My Dad... Part 1

2008-02-21T00:09:00.003+05:30

I just saw, I have some 26 posts and the last one was posted on 24th October!! 'Holy Cow' that's the cool way to swear right? Cool or not, but I don't understand how the hell calling a cow holy even close to expressing astonishment or detrimental? The only claim o fame the poor animals have is being holy. (here of course I am not taking into account my beef eating Brahmin friends... the Kuleen brahmin et al..)... not even counting the other lower castes for that matter. Anyway, I will save the Brahmins for today, I wanted to write about my father. This I assure you is relevant. I realized, after going through through my certificates, my long lost original ID card issued from my "Law College" all of these assume I am d/o my father. I am no feminist but I just realized I am assumed to be "daughter of" my father alone. Since age and hormones are fast progressing, thought might as well write some stuff for the good ol' (the d is conspicuous by its absence) man my Dad cause my mother seems to have smelt the rat and is asking dubious questions about how long I intend to stay a spinster and the transition from "daughter of" to "wife of" seems not that far away. But calm down readers (if I have any left by now) there is no impending good news. I just wanted to channelize my energies into writing because I have lazed around so much for so long the keyboard seems unfamiliar when I am typing full words.

So why my Dad apart from the reason that the "daughter of" identity days seem to be fast moving? Well other reasons are, it sounds cool if I call my father Dad. These have various reasons and I shall discuss them in the following lines: My father is not used to the term "Dad" just like he is not used to torn jeans with frayed ends and tight near the rear side (or any side for that matter...PS: Dad, I thought you guys wore drainpipes!! Talk about double standards. :-| ) nor is he accustomed with "chatting online with headphone and mic".. and he also doesn't like people messaging on the phone all the time. So calling him Dad is fun just like doing all the other things are fun which he doesn't like. So there now we are decided on the nomenclature. So, if I call him Dad, the thing is in his attention, he would read this and maybe give a good word about my grammar, or at least my typing skills: He thinks one needs to "learn how to type on the computer" - Dad!! That's so cute- because you think I "leanrt" a new thing... :-P, I am not correcting any notion here!! ;-)

Secondly: when I was a kid and before his two-wheeler passion died down and 4-wheeler passion took over, he'd take us for a ride. I am/was (hopefully won't be forever) the youngest by age and by size also those days .. once upon a time... so I was made to stand in front of the scooter as my bobbing head didn't cause obstruction to his view as it didn't even reach the seat that put him on the vehicle. On those rare occasions when I got to sit behind him, my arms would never go around his waist-- so I made the assumption backed up along with the teasings from my class mates in the marwari dominated school, in nursery mind you, "Moti moti"chants, that I was fat because my father was also huge. I attributed it to the "genes". Later when my convictions were dispelled about my father's obesity, and the clarification was made that my hands were small, he was not too big, I thought I owed him an apology for thinking him to be a giant who was to be blamed for not getting clothes my size right from the beginning of my evolution as a woman from an embryo. So this article is to clarify, my father is not fat. He has a tummy now but that is a different story.

Thirdly: way too many mosquitoes... will finish it later...

Coming up:

What Dad did this winter.....

Hi Babes!

2007-10-24T12:39:00.000+05:30

Well technically, the guys who are looking for the babes! :-p

No, seriously, on last count, the number of the readership of my typing out here on blogspot was something close to 5 or 6 I think (apart from the one or two kind infrequent souls who chanced upon how, only God knows!!) were all these biggus (I admit this is a new term I have acquired in the last few months... will divulge details later..its a rather funny story, at least it was if you were me) who either had got a job or were doing some hep things to earn thier own dough but sadly they din't have a girl, so I should address this post as "Hi my darlings, looking for Babes!". Now one of these readers definitely got a babe for himself following very closely my advice...he was a committed soul you see. Unquestioningly carried out all that had to be done, sometimes corresponding, putting forth questions and clarified doubts. The other one almost got a secrect girl friend...now I attribute his partial success to the partial efforts put in by him! I mean if you don't attend classes (i.e., suck up to the teacher...read butter me with compliments), don't submit your assignments on time (read never ever did he post a comment effectively giving the impression he din't approve of my teachin methods!), appeared for vivas late (read asked me where was I, and reasons for not writing- never acknowledged the help he was getting silently reading my notes!!) and to top it all he was never sat for the exams (he forgot to acknowledge the help he was getting) so he missed out on the real thing and doesnt get to flaunt his girl ike my other diligent student. I am under the contract of privacy els eI would have given you full fleged example of his success and happily dating status.

So darlings, those of you still loooking for babes, I thought I should get you some more tips this festive season, I don't want my Babes (well the looking for the same category) to be all alone and drunk just because they are tired of hanging ou all decked up in Poojo Pandals (aka Puja pandals) and other festivities namely, the bursting of crackers all in vain being macho roughing up the already roughened fireworks. This is followed by the ever so festive Bhai phonta et al which extends the festivities and holidays only hightening your cause of miseries because there are are more holidays and you are tired of ordering beer and pizza.

Worry not, Komic is here to sace you form the catastrophe!

Step 1: Always hang out on the pujo and other pandal like places where the goddess is worshipped with relative losers. "Reason?" do I hear you express with a proshnobodhok chinho? O my dearies, the reason is, these are the potential places to attract your demi-goddesses....bedecked, all decked up in their best fineries, looking pretty and if you are lucky they'd be single and trust me you'd get the vibes through the phenormones sent out..... Now if you are with relatively potential losers, your chances to notch up a point or two of the brownie category is huge. But a point or two as a word of caution, select your mates with utmost care. I mean its all sectionist if I say don't hang out with the guys who wear shades at night that particular section's sentiments would be hurt buut please tell me do you want a girl or not? We don't on principle like people who don't know the basic difference between the use for a pair of sun-shades and refractive shades... moreso a lot of the discretion and elemination is based on the colour of teh shade chosen.. for e.g., a relatively cool looking guy might be rejected on first look after he is spotted with a friend sporting yellow shades!! So my dear friend, a lot depends on the spectrum of the rainbow your friend is favaourable towards. Thus the bottom line being, colour is one of the factors deciding the chances of your getting hitched.

Explanation: This has nothing to do with rascism and for that matter Fair & Handsome though... (ok I agree this was a sad one but I had to get it out of my system, I mean are you serious... can people actually buy the point that a guy runs away hiding behind flower pots to hide his not fair face?? Wasn't cricketers getting impressed by a fair face and selecting a girl for cricket commentary ludicrous and rascist enough?

Step 2: Never in your dreams should you wear clothes whihc are super shiney and can give the girls' whose attention you are vying for, her clothes a competition in the sequin/transparency/embroidery/elaborateness quotient. This my dear friend I can tell you can be a huge deterrent, for various reasons. a) Your sexual preference might be mistook b) You capacity at decision making can be under doubts which isn't a point scorer c) The girl definitely wants to seek all the attention- you can't encroach her territory- dressing up.

Step 3: Never try too hard to impress anyone. Try moderately smart conversation with your friends (read in conjunction with the pre-requisite in the previous clause). Do not and I repeat DO NOT crack loud jokes. One or two subtle jokes about a person or thing which is visible and in the public domain will edge you over the guys who are attempting the usuan "Himmesh Reshammiya-can't-sing"-Jokes. Stay away from narrating any SMS joke that you got forwarded...chances are your object of attention would have also got that same forward that very morning- you wouldn't want to lose out on originality now would you?

Step 3: This is the most crucial of all. If you intend to know her name, forget trying to "What's your name, I am interested in Freindship" type of line. Try listening to her conversation with her friends, the prettiest one definitely gets referred to by her name at least once while in such a place within a group.

Step 4: If you have a bike, make it a point to carry the helmet- a bike makes a bigger impression than a car. The car gives out the impression that you already have a girl and a life, a bike on the other hand reflects the lack of life but the eagerness to get one. ;-)

Step 5: Nothing contained in the above clauses can get you a girl if you perpetually have the potential "I-am-desperate-for-a-girl" look. Please dearies, that look will not get you a girlfriend. That look can only fetch you a free riders who are looking for free ice-creams from a potentially (and kinetically) despo guy. Women are smart you see, don't let them see beyond that in-control-facade. Hide your desperaion desperately.

Oxymoron? Well all of us are leading one in its own way.

Step 6: If you have the balls to go up to her and tell her you like her without getting slapped and despite no precautions taken, then I admit you are reading the wrong post and you can gimme some tips so that I can enrich my skills [although its tough to improve perfection. ;-)].

Step 7: If nothing works then just wait for my next post and keep me posted about the application and success ratio.

Ciao!

Yours phenomenonally~

Piss but don't Kiss

2007-06-02T20:29:00.000+05:30

What happens when you see a guy taking a leak in the middle of full fledged traffic...well in Indian cities (more so in the Metropolitan ones) you pretend nothing is happening...rather you make way for the man to take his leak in peace...you pretend nothing out of the normal is happening....Its almost like he is serving the nation by pouring uric acid over the nutrient deprived plants or for that matter the dilapidated walls which have become so enduring litres of urine and misspelt posters (I will elucidate on this in a later post perhaps).

However, the endurance level of the population when it comes to a couple kissing is not all that high. I mean a lungi clad middle aged "family man" can come up to a young girl in the bus and brush himself all over- no one will take a second glance but when the same girl is with a guy willingly and forget kissing him, holds his hand, aha...there you go- the moral policing starts even at 4am in the morning. That is the vigilance level of our nation. So the punchline being...."Go ahead piss- as long as you don't kiss". The solidarity of a person taking a leak with another is immense, but its not the same with that of two couples making out....the idea is....as long as you are not caught, I will pretend you weren't not there but the moment you are- well God alone can save your ass and I shall utilize the doze of entertainment.

Maybe this article isn't all that comprehensible for the simple reason that I cannot wite explicitly what is on my mind...attribute it to the in-built moral police in me....or attribute it to the hypocrisy....I accept my incapacity...but the scenario doesn't change....

A man maybe extra fondly with a baby in public view- but that won't arise suspicion even if it should do so legitimately- we have learnt to turn a blind eye and not be bothered....but see a young unmarried couple trying their hands at innovation- lo and behold!! You have outraged public morality and hurt public sentiments. So much so- my friend refused to sit beside me in a temple just because he was of the opposite sex....initially I was flabergasted and disgusted but then again....can't blame him....he was born and brought up in India...where a man can pee publicly but not look into his girl's eyes with dedication!

Guiding Light

2007-03-28T15:20:00.000+05:30

Perhaps my enlightenment isn't reaching its purported audience.... Only the men seem interested in my gibberish menat as manna for the women..well since I have a meagre readership of men alone (the last toll was 5 making a liberal and optimistic count)..... this plus my interactions with quite a few people of the male gender has made me think again on distributing my expertise on girls alone...I mean, I owe something to my captivated audience, so what if they can be counted on the fingers of one hand.....

My interactions with the dilapidated souls make me reiterate that after all women might be tad bit better of than men... blame it on hormones , blame it on male and female psyche, blame it on gendered bringing up, or blame it on whatever.... the bottom line is, men love to feel they are sad creatures and women dont understand them...have no inkling of what is going on...how painful a heartache/break can be...

I won't go into justifying the women's side of the story cause I am here to help my readers and my other pathetic friends who are perpetually bogged down by the questions as to "How do I....when she....." , "What does she mean when.....", "Do you think I have a chance....", "What does she see in that jerk....:-X...." and more of these pertinent questions I have often been bombarded with from the guys...all this while I was unconsciously honing my Hitching skills....thought might as well put it down, my readers seem to be in need of a lil help, guess I should help a few 9.5 lakh per annum worth guys, get a girl...;~) happens to be my moral obligation to the nation's boys .........btw, no vested interests there..... ;~P

So where was I?...Yeah....distributing free advice...

Well boys, first and foremost, as yu must have been told, first impressions count...count a lot actually...so stop being a sloppy slog who has no clue as to what he is doing when around a girl. Take it easy, but not that easy either, I mean you don't talk to the girl you are trying to impress the same things you tell you bum chum! You need a lil finesse here, this I have to warn you comes by expertise, the saying about practice making everythin perfect holds true for these cases also...the more you interact with girls, the more human( read manlike) your conversations are likely to resemble when a girl is around. Dont go around telling her how you plan to research on Counter Strike Strategies or how how you plan to buy a Toy gun to kill your foes in the adreline rush of the virtual games that you thrive on. Altough some people might find it cute that the guy is still a kid at heart, the likeable girls well....they are prone to get disgusted immediately, with such self proclamatory stories....

So what is the solution? Well the answer is, make her feel like, she is all that matters but be subtle enough or she might get turned off by your intrusive attitude. The word of caution is for too personal questions on the initial meetings, let her talk the amount she wants to, but keep dropping information about your self, information that is interesting. For example that you are not so great at a particular thing that she might be good at, and a mention of this could help you score quite a bit and generate further interest of the subject in you.

Secondly, never carry on the conversation on the same line once she drops hints of getting bored. You can understand this when she looks another way when you are talking to her.... or maybe if she nods too much at places she doesnt need to nod at.

Thirdly, remember the details she is giving out. You dont want to give out the impression you were not listening to her. Remember the things she is saying if you are remotely interesed in more, I mean, the worst thing you can do is ask the same or same type of question and score negatively. This really matters - your attention level.

Very importantly, never make stupid jokes about her accessories, bag (read size of bag, the number of things she has in it), her attire, her shoes etc. A girl chooses these things with utmost care and takes pride in her collection, never make a joke about her taste if you want to be in her good books. What you can pull off with you friend who is a girl cannot possibly always go down well with a girl you are trying to make your girlfriend. Be very sensitive to her sensitivities. It would help if you can actually compliment her taste without being blatant about it. Like you never say "You are pretty", or "You are beautiful", rather go for statements which sound like this "Some one is looking pretty today" and maybe you could try "That is a pretty bracelet" Try saying these only when you know confidentlt the difference between a bracelet and an anklet!! :-P

Anyway....a lil busy now...will come back with more....soon........

Main Men in your Mane

2007-03-15T11:30:00.000+05:30

Tips tips tips.....

The man should calm you more than he excites you.....sounds boring eeh?

Well boring is what is digestable....ever heard that tequila shots every minute of every evening of everyday in the week is good for you? On the other hand, haven't you been offered Coffee after a hangover? Well what I am trying to say is, Drink Coffee on a regular rather daily basis and save the tequila shot for whn you want to take a "Coffee- Break" [ ;~) ] Sounds pretty monotnous? Mother like? Well it is a tried and tested formula.... If you drink alcohol every minute of your life, you will maybe be detected with liver problems (read Devdas had Liver Cirrhosis) or maybe some other disease...howeverr if you drink Coffee, you'd have the energy to actually get up from bed, do some work, and maybe be productive for a change.... Plus coffee is cheap (when made at home...and causes no life threat...not reported till date)..... Alcohol will cost you your sanity, your money, your energy and a at the end of the day you'll eventually have to have coffee to get over the hangover...so why drink alcohol in the first place? Drink Coffee...see get my point?

The man that excites you might get you on a momentary high but sweeties, seriously, think of the price you are gonna pay for teh momentary lapse of reason....days of crying and sobbing, weeks of moping around, months of being off Men (drawing the coffee analogy- you don't drink ANYTHING for that stupid drink you had that got you teh terrible headache...you even doubt the coke being offered to you) ....plus overeating of chocolates to feel better...(cause you are not in a state of mind to mind or count the calories) ...

On the other hand, the guy that calms you, might not excite you...but he is the one who is gonna be there in your cupboard like you trusted coffee pot....your tequila bottle on the other hand will get over and the bottle will not be useful to store anything else either cause it will have that smell of tequila..anything else you put into it will smell of it...remind you of that evening you had...and smells I tell you can transport you in time....and teh rest you can guess...you have been there done that...haven't you?

So although I understand teh irresistble temptation to drink your tequila and get bored with your coffee, honnies Coffee stays and soothes you when you are feeling low....tequila is only for getting high ...its about one evening....moments that can't be there for keeps...so Hold your coffee pots close....the Tequila bottles look great on the shelves the bartender heads!!

Yours Phenomenally~

Once upon a time....

2007-03-10T14:01:00.000+05:30

Months of romance;
Love that did prance....

Attempts that failed-
He finally wailed!

Complaints-- were a score an' one old,
Communication that went cold....

Two little clasped hands....
Sun shone on the sands...

He grew up so fast,
The childhood didn't last....

A blunder so innane...
For an occurance quite vain...

Hands that didn't speak,
A connection so bleak.

Now he does seek a date
At he floodgates of Fate!

~Phenomenal Thinker

What I want to say today!

2007-03-09T16:24:00.000+05:30

This is from the old Voices column..written by Ipshita Pal, she was then in Gokhale Memorial School , she did a brilliant job of what I generally feel like shouting out to some category of people!....excellent read!!! I am quoting the article.

To all those too-talented-for words people around me: Give me some of what you've got, will you? I adore you, I envy you. But you'll agree that it is a little unfair that some should have loads of it while some others remain wanting. By the way, concentration (of talent) in one head could cause it to swell up so much that it's a lot of pain for everyone and that ultimately includes you as well....

To my crush: Do you even know that I exist?

To the believers of 11th hour work: WHEN will everyone else realise the fun of finishing homework on the last day of the hols?

To the all-words-no-work people: YOU contitute a very interesting section of humans because teh ratio of promises you make to teh promises you keep is approximately 100:1. Why waste your precious time and energy by talking anyway...

To Beauty Columnists: Don't you feel sick and tired of dandruff/oily skin/too thin/ too fat problems?

What I want to say to......

2007-03-08T12:11:00.000+05:30

Sis: I will approve of your boyfreinds when you approve of mine!

Payel: Do you catch a cold or does the cold catch you?

Sur 1: Either you drink or you act macho, you can't do both at the same time.

Sur2: You aren't man enough to date anybody other than yourself!

Sur 3: Your mom and wife will be one lucky duo!

OO: Stop trying and start doing it!

KDN: O I wont deny, your hips don't lie! ;~)

AK: It is difficult to improve perfection, that's why I like watching you.

Ex: You are the most sexual celebate I have come across!

Clipped Wings~ For Women's day

2007-03-07T10:13:00.000+05:30

The Phenomenal "Hitcher"!

2007-03-06T13:57:00.000+05:30

Now now now, have I ever come across as a feminist or what? Well I don't think its a taboo word but I don't want to be labelled one...As I answered to one of the comment makers to my previous post, I stoppped being a feminist the day I wrote off my last Sociology Paper....a) Because I don't want to be percieved as the jhola carrying, heavy jewellery adorned/ white saree(with blk border) wearing "activist" kinda feminist...I don't want to be a feminist...because I am happy being what the other option is....I like being "Hitch"..who wouldn't? Being compared to Will Smith....well my day..rather week is made!! So i have returned with tips on men for women...(PS: On demand I can also advice Men on how to deal with Women but...the current lack of literature in the Men department is so evident and thus a pressing need is felt by me to advice my fellow women folk and thus I have to attend to upgrading the quatity if not quality of literature on the issue...)

So where did we leave off? ...Yeah.....I was discussing types....Types of women there are ...and which kind attracts what kind of men....

The next category would be the "never-say-no-to-anyone" category....now you really have to be skilled if you gotta pull this off woman!! So think before you want to be this category....From the observation of another friend I have seen, that this suits people who like to nurture their "romance" skills in teh eletronic arena...[by electronic I mean Celluar phones (Calls & Text Messaging Included) , Telephonic Calls, electronic mails (including the moronic forwards whihc go like "Smile because your face tastes like the river Nile"), Messenger Services (Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN etc.) and now the Virtual Network Communities like Yaari, Orkut, Facebook etc etc, ] so what you basicaly have to do is hit some keys or hit the correct tone of the voice to "romance" with guys on what I call the "Virtual Medium". The scope for flirtation is immense here...because the guy cannot see you so you can add enough innuendo to your voice if you are raring to go...you can just back out whenevr you feel like if its a "long distance" thingy or stop sending messages pleading umpteen number of reasons including "Exam Pressure", "Projects" to keep form reciprocating such virtual overtures...but be careful of the guy you are dealing with if the man in question decides to give yo a hard time..well he can...(read newspaper clippings for more enlightenment on this agenda....menaing creation of virtual identity of you with your personal details et al. which can get sticky) so as I said choose your subject properly...Sample the market and assess what goes down well with which category of subject. Like some people are allergic to a certain kind of medicine, so you have to have alternate prescription for that...."Virtual Romance" has to be "Patch Tested" before application. But the good thing here is you have immense scope at the same time....if you are OK with the virtual life, you can manage more than one such life at a time and choose your pick to devote varying kinds of attention to each...personally I am more a "Flesh and Blood" person so don't really prescribe this method but this has proved a helpful option to many with "real life" phobia.

The next category would be the "we shall hold hands for ever" category...well in these cases.....they don't hold hands after a few weeks and according to me is the sysmptoms that show this is the onset of one's "romantic" life. This category of relationships are bound to fail in 7 out of 10 times....the three odd times that they succeed are the stories where its a re-run of a Hindi movie you ae so used to watching....But what abt the 7 other times? well we generally don't like to admit...but these are the relationships that tech you the most....I agree you will keep comparing all your later relations with this first one...for better or for good...but really once you can make peace with the fact that its over...you will realize you have learnt a lot...like what not to say to the guy....how not to hurt his ever inflated ego...how to appear interested in his immensely boring intellectual talk about his passions and ambitions....how to not spend too much money on him....how not to expect anything.....thus being pleasantly surprised whenever something nice actually happens....and ultimately, to be over the idea of falling in love....that is usually the biggest killer in a relationship!!

More when I have thoughts to share with-
Phenomenally yours-------------------------

Wo(e)men this is for you.......

2007-02-21T10:22:00.000+05:30

Everyone blogs...so do I....

What is new then? Why would you read mine and not the zillion other shit written everyday? Because my Dear Friend...you are unique if you read this, you'd realize, you are worth it!!...It gives you the perspective on the male psyche which hasn't failed to baffle me and many other distressed wo-(e)-men....

I have apparently discovered why we have such emotional turmoil when dealing with men...

Either we whine too much or we are so cold we cannot express our love...then again there are the allegations of being overtly involved...then again some hate the detached involment...so what is teh trick to being happy? (Now boy do i sound like a "Lou Guru" or wht...anyway moving on ahead...)

The trick my darlings are to choose a person who is smitten by you....be with him till the smitten-ness stays..the day you see it waning...try the "I think we should move ahead...explore life".... This way you will never get dumped...and puhlease for Gawd's sake stop crying after you have dumped him!! Its like, once you clear your wadrobe, you can go shopping yet again...and this time you actually have a reason..and who knows some of the malls might have sale going on.... similarly....there can never be enough of men.. i mean seriously....every man is a different outfit...even if you have that design you might not have that shade...

So what am i trying to say? I am saying, that keep your mind open....make an informed choice...you cannot choose a dress by just looking at it from the window...and you need to specimen different outfits to actually decide which is the one thts "in season". Do i sound malicious...well honnies....I am not amlicious...its my first hand experience....Just teh way you cant wear the same outfit to different parties...I am drawing an analogy here....

Men don't like commitment...so why expect it in the first place... enjoy the moment you are with him...make him feel like a king (verbally only darlings!!) and you will be returned the favour...(Disclaimer: Please choose a non-daft category...esle you will feel like a worker class bee because of teh drone he choooses to be(e)...pujn intended..) ....don't tread dangerous path....platonic works best for men...they will fall...fall so much so that you might have to extend a helping hand to pick them up...(heeh heeh!! like teh feeling?)...so as i was saying...be "platonic" ....this will rasie the hopes....and you can neatly back out if you are not comfortable later...you can always label it as his misconception...i agree this is a bit ruthless but honies...you wanna be happy or not?? hmmn?

Moreover... scare them a lil....this i have picked up from a very close friend....she does it sub-consciously...but I have noted that it works well...but this won't be for the run off teh mill heroes...this tact has to be exclusively applied to the intellectual morons....they buy the scray bit very well....

Next tip: Never let the guy pay menial things like bus fare....travel expenses...this helps in giving out the impression of "independent woman" plus you might earn afew brownie points in the end...popularity doesn't hurt anyone....
But sweeties...please take care not to pay for the extravagant meal either...choose something that will keep you calories and money wallet intact just in case you have to maintain the eariler "equality" clause... Study teh situation and depending on the mood you can actually order the most expensive food item you always longed to have....

Another thing that I have noted and modified from the observation of another good friend is... Be adequately bossy...but sweet at the same time...I agree this is a tough thing to achieve...but practice makes a Woman perfect...so practice practice and more practice is required...Personally I feel this is the toughest sikll to hone....

For now i will finish off....as I have prior engagements to attend to but I will be back with more anecdotes and tips whihc I have found useful....I must add however that, the old tried and tested coquettishness doesnt help other than for the marriage material tyes....so unless you wanna marry the guy...keep away from that territory!

Yours Phenomenally

Phenomenal Thinker.

Phenomenal Hibernation

2007-01-11T21:28:00.000+05:30

I had gone into hibernation…well honestly who cares where I’d gone….

Down with the truth…I stopped writing because I thought there is honestly no point in extending my verbal diarrhea to the cyber space….I mean who cares if phenomenal thinker thinks phenomenally any more…

But lo and behold!! I was incorrect… some people actually asked me why I wasn’t writing anymore…. I tried giving them a satisfactory answer, and I came across the truth – (footnote at the bottom of this)
(1) I am lazy and don’t do anything that will make me move from surfing the net aimlessly…
(2) I am in love with myself so when the response on the blog started decreasing I thought I had been betrayed of my valued readership…
(3) I had run out of shit for boys and men….I was even lazy to comment on their insensitivity and incorrigible attitude….
(4) My frustration had reached a saturation point…there was nothing new to vomit…
(5) There were no pressing project deadlines to be met in a long time as this is a really huge semester…
(6) The phone bills for the months that I had blogged in were higher than the price of that over priced party top in any of the Shopping Malls……
(7) There were too many interesting distractions in my real life…..the cyber life was slowly getting into obliteration….
(8) No charming dillusions suffered by me for quite some time now…all my cavemen were quite approachable….

So now the question is why is the phenomenal thinker back? The reasons are as follows

(1) A certain Platonic friend actually buttered me to the hilt and convinced me I was doing some kind of good…can’t remember his exact words cause he is as random ad I am…plus I don’t let him stick to the topic much…How can I? He has the name of a mythological driver!!!
(2) My self love has extended to the point where now I am actually in love with the fact that people actually compliment me for these crappy things…feels damn good!! I don’t have a blooming CV….plus I am nearing my end of college life- might as well indulge in these guilty pleasures doing nonsensical stuff and continue the elative feeling of being appreciated!
(3) Whom was I kidding??? Boys will remain boys…I will keep losing my heart and keep relocating it time and again…and honestly speaking, shit never goes out of stock…whatever was digestion for??? ;~)
(4) A thin waist line for women and frustration for human beings can never go out of fashion.
(5) Point blank reason darlings- Projects are back to kick me from the rear side of my anatomy!!!
(6) I would never possibly get those dresses from the shopping malls ever!! – maybe half of me could try and fit myself into the clothes…but ma would not let me leave the house partly clothed…I on the other hand, once the telephone bill reached the letter box, she’d be bound to pay the bill.
(7) Come on ya…. I mean…when you have something, you want more…now that I have the real thing, I even want my virtual life to flourish.
(8) The cavemen are stirring in the backdrop…causing immense distractions…..
(9) Ultimately, I read that typing reduces weight- this is my last straw to get a narrow waistline…………… I already have a broad enough mind!

(footnote)
1.I can’t help it if this reminds you of the Geography question in class four where you were asked to list “briefly” the reasons for India being essentially an agricultural land and you started your answer writing…..”The reasons why India is essentially an Agricultural Land are as follows:- “ and started actually enlisting the reasons……..These are after all my experiences….they’d naturally have similarity with real life….any similarity wouldn’t be a coincidence…neither am I apologetic for the same, I can only sympathize with you if you have made the blunder of choosing to read this.

White Flag

2006-09-06T01:52:00.000+05:30

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

See u when you are 40

I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at your
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance

Cos' I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I'd been warned about

You think that you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down

And I've seen, tonight, what I'd been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind

So see me when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad

You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today I wouldn't have picked you out
I wouldn't have picked you out

now I've seen, tonight, how I could waste my time
and I'll be on my way, and I won't be back
cos I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
your just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back

~Dido Armstrong, Aubrey Nunn & Rolo Armstrong

Phenomenon's Thought for the Day

2006-09-01T09:26:00.000+05:30

Deserts are there to be tread;
Inhibitions are there to be shed;
Tears are there for the thread; and
Hearts are there to be bled.

Man-(U)-All Cells

2006-08-25T23:08:00.000+05:30

Cell phones I have often found are incredibly similar to Men. Just like when you are in the midst of a balancing act with your wallet, hold-all, the stinking iron rod of public transport and contemplating looking for change in the side chain of your hold-all for the ticket, your cell phone starts ringing. Men too have awful timing; just when you have gone to bed late, woken up later, have a horribly bad hair day and probably still have the breakfast cereal stuck between your front teeth, they’ll show up and say an extra cheerful “Hi!” and strike a conversation when you are already late for class- You can well imagine the predicament since the only option left is to mouth a “Hullo” with yellow stuff still in between teeth.

Just when you have bought the most happening cheap flip open phone, the budget is announced and the camera phone with 3.2 mega pixel resolution and one GB memory drops its rates and your dumb flip-open phone with colour screen stares back at you reminding you of the flaw in your character- Impatience. Just when you finally feel this is the one man and he reciprocates too, your long-time crush breaks up with his girl. Mom always says, “Patience is a virtue”.

Just when you get that perfect message from the perfect person at the perfect time, your cell phone displays, “No space for new messages”: you are made to delete one of the closest-to-your-heart-messages~ Dumb Inbox!! It has to get saturated right when you so wanted that message to stay. Men’s minds, I feel, have this inane link to the Inbox of Cell phones: they get filled up right when they needed to remember your birthday or the most important incident or better still~ your best friend’s name!

You are expecting the most important of calls and your cell phone chooses to get switched off due to an uncharged battery. Men too, are bound to get fatigued right when you want to “talk” about your relationship. Did they pick it up from the cell phone batteries or vice-versa?

After you switch on your cell, it shows “SIM not activated”, if you immediately try to use it. Similarly, you need to do a lot of talking to get men understand exactly what is it that you are hinting at- they too take a long time to get “activated”.

For Joy.....

2006-08-23T10:58:00.000+05:30

Joy cant be woken up by DELICATE SOUND OF THUNDER..but mayb by a DIVISION BELL...he wont show u any SIGNS OF LIFE in class...he loves livin in the TERMINAL FROST...can be called one of the DOGS OF WAR....but has he become COMFORTABLY NUMB...nah!....you stil find him ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON...but what about the PULSE of Joy..?well he is the FINAL CUT whn you feel "WISH YOU WERE HERE"...no...he isnt THE PIPER AT THE GATES OF DAWN but one of these days he WILL RUN LIKE HELL and be ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL...until then i will TIME him...and catch him LEARNING TO FLY.....and then he will be COMING BACK TO LIFE!

Phenomenally Yours~ K

2006-08-23T10:44:00.000+05:30

The sand in my shoes need to be cleared but since She said "Don't leave home" I have to.....but there will be no white flag above my door. My life is on rent but not because i am Stoned, its because i failed to say Thank You and forgot to ask " Do you have a little time" . So see you when you are forty, and then i will ask you who makes you feel the same and then iguess i will see the sun.

Pink Snickets....a series of Fortunate lines.....

Ode to a Phenomenon....

2006-08-17T20:12:00.000+05:30

An unplayed guitar...
A swooned over star...

Riding the moon...
In the winters by June..

A lie for his sake..
And more to cover that make...

A touch on her face...
Bloody heart that can race...

A kiss on the cheek....
And the kissable freak...

The touch of two lips...
Of Brailling the grips...

Of an untouched place...
And thoughtful disgrace....

Application of brakes...
When drowning in lakes...

A memory so lost...
When relations are tossed...

An entry so swift...
Can get one miffed...

Of parts played so well...
And things ending swell.

Figments of Reality

2006-08-17T09:15:00.000+05:30

A star dotted sky...
Through a window of ply....

A mind blowing breeze...
Not cold enough to freeze...

Up came a gale.....
Unleashing the sail....

A balding head....
An unspoken grade.....

Of relations so blurred...
Salutations n'er uttered....

A wind swept mane....
With droplets of rain..

The excruciating pain...
A touch healed the same...

Of a bond more than love....
Smells of cinammon and clove...

The unspoken name....
Held in a moment so lame...

A memory now brief...
Reinstating the grief...

A game that was played...
And a named that was slayed...

Of a woman's fights...
No shining armours no knights...

Like the unused salad....
And a bake that was charred....

Of torrential rains.....
And personal gains...

Sharing the fears....
Apprehending the gears...

Of mild dopes and drugs....
And evading the shrugs...

Of logics that won...
And moments to shun...

A rebel that spoke...
And a bystander bloke......

Phenomenal Conversation....

2006-08-14T16:40:00.000+05:30

OC: Hey I'm weird and eccentric. I think these are extremely cool traits, actually these make me exceptionally different from the rest. Plus the fact that I don't have a care for the world and what anyone thinks makes me cooler. The best part about me is that I know so much about so many things (although I'm from a small town) and yet i am humble about it. Moreover I am in a Premiere Institute of the Nation, but although I am a patriot, I think you should take what's the best in the market...so you see I have to run off outside the nation to translate my full potential and to realize my capabilities. by the way I suck at emotions, cause no one ever understood me. But, but you see, I have the child trapped inside me so effectively I'm the only good thing left on the earth.

CC: [Aside]Wow! So much talent, yet humility is all you can gauge....He's intelligent, has an excellent sense of humour, but he is so humble...[awww....awww]....you can talk to him for hours an dnot feel bored...so much to know....
{After some time....}
Am I falling in love,....well....umnnn..no couldn't be...
{After some more time}
Poor soul....he never got what he wanted...life has been unfair to him....
.....what do you call this...well nothing matters other than what feels right....

OC: You are the Zephyr in my life CC....

CC: {blushing...} So are you....

{Happy times....Turbulent times...Happy times...Turbulent times...}

OC: hey I want to be mad again...You aren't blowing fast enough...I want a storm...you are stuck to being a Zephyr...

CC: But I thought you liked the Zephyr.....

OC: Please set me free.....

CC: {Angry}...Where are the pieces of my heart? Give them back and I'll set you free....

OC: Sorry.....{Face hung}...I lost them. Don't worry, one day you'll find them. trust me, I am weird- I'll survive without one, you are normal; if you don't get the old one back in time you should get a replacement. Adieu.

CC: {Confused.....forlorn....}

One day she realizes:

Hey, one piece each of my heart is there with A, B, C, D,....and tehy are all here with me...keeping the pieces entrusted them with...they have teh custody of those pieces for 21 years, some 15, some 20, some 5, some 4......

After serching she realizes...OC had just one piece~the biggest one, but she can do with the rest of the pieces...maybe OC is right- maybe she will get a piece that will fit the void perfectly.

When I think Phenomenally 3

2006-08-14T15:30:00.000+05:30

If ignorance is bliss, why do we seek knowledge?~ because our parents were envious of our blissful state.

Look before you leap~ and wear your glasses before you look.

When God closes one door, he opens various windows~ Cross ventilation has always been a priority.

All that glitters is not gold~ think bigger, it could be diamond girls!

The glass can be half empty or half full~ or it could be turned upside down.

Phenomenal Facts

2006-08-14T15:23:00.000+05:30

I am a girl but tht doesn't make me shy,

You might be spineless, who said you had to be a guy!

There is more to me thn meets the eye,

You're no hero cause you love "Catcher in the Rye".

I might be hapless, I might be rude

Definitely I aint selfless, I am not crude.

It is for no reason tht I call almost evrythin a bore;

Trust me, I hav my reasons to be so sore.

Before I fell & later whn I rose,

I preferred a duel and then a double doze!

This is a limmerick no doubt,

It is my soul-all firm and stout.

When I think Phenomenally

2006-08-08T23:11:00.000+05:30

Honesty is the best policy- so long as there are no legislations!!

Idle mind is a devil’s workshop~ well I can’t help it if the angels are equally lazy!

One man’s meat is another man’s poison~ tell me about it- I have vegetarian friends!

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones at others~ they should use a rifle perhaps- it isn’t the Stone Age.

When in Rome do as Romans do- at all other times look up your passport.

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder~ Yeah, truth is always spoken behind your back despite the speaker being ugly or otherwise.

The pen is mightier than the sword~ because he failed in his fencing lessons!

Pride hath fall~ Duh! Go call the doctor- We’re there for post arrest procedures!

Pride goes before a fall~ I always knew I was slow…something new would be more helpful perhaps.

Every dog has its day~ how come I am nocturnal?

Cut your coat according to your cloth~ you can’t trust the tailors anymore!

When others think phenomenally.....

2006-08-08T23:06:00.000+05:30

This is purely on request...I have NOT WRITTEN this......a reader suggested this to be posted and I feel this wil be a nice compilation for teh readers:-

"ClassiC DefinitionS & CooL MeaningS"

1. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the
minds of either".

2. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.

3.       Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

4. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power .

5. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
& everybody disagrees later on.

6. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

7. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home
life.

8. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their
mouth.

9. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than
you actually do.

10. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

11. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

12. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that
you actually look forward to the trip.

14. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally
falls into a river.

15. Father : A banker provided by nature.

16. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got
caught.

17. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you
are early.

When I think Phenomenally 2...

2006-08-08T20:54:00.000+05:30

A bird in hand is worth two in the bush~ Well depending on whether you prefer a dirty hand or dirty bush.

Make hay while the sun shines~ now dont wait for the sunset to go sell it!

Once bitten twice shy~ so I am not the only one with bad mental Maths.